(This post comes from Jessie Frank, former AMA Dance & Music School student and instructor.)
Have you ever wanted something really badly? And you worked so hard for it that you KNEW it would be yours one day? I learned a really difficult lesson in the last couple of months that I wanted to share on AMA’s blog: You don’t always get what you want.
Here is my story:
I will never forget the day when the Gamma Phi Acrobatic Circus of Illinois State University performed at our local high school in Des Plaines, IL. The year was 2000. I was six years old and I fell in love with it all! I was already a pretty decent acrobat for a little kid and knew right then that one day I would be part of that circus!
Many years later, when the time came to research and visit colleges, there was only one choice and only one activity I had my eye on: Illinois State University and my circus! I practiced all through high school and worked diligently to prepare for the day of my tryouts. In the fall of 2012, twelve years later, I entered ISU and was on the path to pursue my acrobatic performance dream!
I was away at school only four weeks when BAM! I became very ill. I couldn’t breathe and the pain in my chest was excruciating. After being rushed to the hospital, I was diagnosed with two life-threatening blood clots in my left lung. Once the doctors figured out what was wrong with me, they assured me I would make a 100% recovery with the proper medication, rest and absolutely no extensive physical activity for six months. Although I was obviously happy that I was going to be okay, I realized that the circus was no longer an option for me in my freshman year.
I had no choice but to do nothing but rest and schoolwork. I had not joined any clubs or sororities as a freshman because I was supposed to be busy every day working with the circus. Argh! I promised myself that the next year (when I was better), I would get more involved at ISU as a sophomore.
Sophomore Year
I joined a dance team and became a member of the Executive Board for this year. I also joined Epsilon Sigma Alpha, the service sorority on campus (which is a whole other blog in itself). And of course, although delayed, joining the Gamma Phi Circus was still the goal.
My Poise Dance Team!
My Service Sorority, Epsilon Sigma Alpha
Working toward our Goal to raise money this
semester for the amazing St. Jude Foundation!
We raised over $86,000!
This past fall, I was finally going to have the opportunity to be a part of the Gamma Phi Circus and live my dream. When I walked into the gym the first time this year, there were hundreds of members that were extremely talented. I did not expect that there would be so many people THIS good!
(Side note: I always thought I was kind of a big fish in a little pond at home. In general, activities came easy for me. From a young age, I was good at chess and softball. I was always in the highest dance or tumbling class at my mom’s school and I made every team I tried out for at school.)
And there I was… The only thought in my head: this fish is not so big. I was seriously the tiniest fish in an ocean of sharks! (Gulp.)
I found a little comfort with the other newbies alongside me that I could see felt just like me: excited, scared and intimidated (really intimidated). I would watch returning members in awe, thinking that I had to get to their skill level in the short few months I had before tryouts.
OMG I had my work cut out for me! Becoming circus-ready was not as easy as I thought it would be, since I had to retrain my body in so many ways. I was the underdog coming from behind. Where I grew up in a dance school, some of these athletes had extensive training in aerial schools. I had to strengthen muscles I didn’t know I had, build up a pain tolerance for soreness and bruising, fight fatigue and the urge to be lazy. There were times I wanted to leave practice without doing the required workouts. None of this was easy! But I kept on pushing forward because, more than anything, I wanted to be a member of the Gamma Phi Acrobatic Circus.
I focused on my favorite event: Acro (guy/girl partner lifts). When I saw how crazy-good the returning members were, I knew I had to come up with a Plan B. So, I committed to learn two new acts: Lyra Hoop (a large hoop suspended from the ceiling that you do stunts with a partner) and German Wheel. I knew I had to work hard on these new skills if I wanted to get my foot in the door. And I did!
Want to see the German Wheel in action? Here’s a video of Jessie!
I have never done Hoop or Wheel before this year, so I really had to work my booty off. Some things came at a great pace for me, and other things I had to work extra hours to just get it halfway decent. I was exhausted and I was discouraged. I started telling myself (and others) that I wouldn’t make it, that there wasn’t room for me in the act or that there were so many people better than me. I had excuse after excuse.
I spoke to my mom about my fears (yes, I was afraid!) and she believes in me more than anyone in the world. She reminded me that if I try my best, that’s all any of us can do. I realized when she said that, that I was not trying my best. I had more in me. I hung up, and immediately changed my mindset, telling myself that I loved this circus and that I needed a better attitude —the positive attitude of someone who dreamed their whole life to one day become a member.
Tryouts
When there were pre-tryout cuts for Acro, I did not make it. I did not even make it to the actual tryout. Although it was not a huge shock (I knew there were stronger athletes in this act than me), I was still extremely upset.
I tried out for Wheel — and did not make it.
Hoop was my last shot for this year…
Did I make it?
Find out next week in A New Path, A New Me (Part Two)!
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